Ask Jen: 'Act As If'

“Dear Jen, The more I work on myself the more frustrated I get, because I see the things that I don’t like and recognize old patterns and ways of thinking that have been holding me back for many, many years. I’m struggling to see the big picture, and the baby steps feel truly small when I see the work that is ahead. There is a part of me that really wants to dive in and start taking quantum leaps but I don’t know how. Can you help me to see the light at the end of the tunnel? What would your game plan be if I were to work with you? Any thoughts or insight you have will be helpful. Thanks in advance!”

— Mr. Dissatisfied

It makes sense that the frustration feels intolerable. You are like a snake shedding his old skin right now -- It feels awful to be stuck in a suit you've outgrown when the new skin isn't fully developed yet. Trust that THIS IS the process of transformation. Welcome the frustration. Allow it to be there. Write about it. Talk to it. Walk with it. Yell at it. Dance with it. Make art that speaks to the experience of it. Welcome it as a muse and a teacher, because you're here for a reason.

I want you to imagine for one second that life is a little like a video game. You can't get to the next level until you collect the coins of the level you're on. The coins come from finding the 'purpose' in being where you are. When you can find the lesson, or the teaching of the present moment's contrast, and make peace with the un-manifested desires it provokes in you, then you collect your coins and move to the next level. But know this: the next level requires you to ACT AS IF you are the guy who is PAST this stuff that's currently frustrating you.

Therefore, give yourself permission to fantasize and write down who you would be if you made the quantum leap into the man you've been waiting to become. The next level of you. What would his life be like that yours isn't like today? How would he live differently than you live? What are the activities that would consume his time that make him feel more accomplished? Who are the people he's interacting with that make him feel worthy about himself and affirm this new level he lives on? How does he feel when he looks in the mirror? How does he dress? What is his morning routine like? Where does he eat his meals? Who is he eating them with? What type of music does he listen to? Who is he collaborating with? Give yourself permission to close your eyes and imagine what it’s like to have his life. Get to know him intimately. Learn what it feels like to be him. Then begin to INVOKE him. SEE him in yourself. ACT AS IF HIM. DRESS AS IF HIM. DO AS HE WOULD DO.

The next step is to look for the signs of his life materializing wherever you go. Collect examples in the people and places around you that match the life of your quantum self in the present moment. Find evidence of the new level. When the old level reappears, tell yourself it's just a reflection of the familiar past, and how you engage with it has everything to do with keeping it around or not. Let your identification with it go, and trust you are already who you need to be to have what you want occur.

In terms of my game plan, it's to support you in ACTING AS IF. From the place of feeling more in alignment with who you are becoming as opposed to who you have been, I will help you prioritize action steps that support the life you are calling in. But the process of ACTING AS IF takes a little time first. That's where the emotional work comes in. First you must learn to be a healthy inner parent to your family of parts; a loving father to the frustrated son. The kind of father who teaches his boy that emotions do not need to be banished, just safely contained and carefully contextualized. I'm here to witness, assist and reaffirm that quantum self in you.

Therefore, give yourself permission to fantasize and write down who you would be if you made the quantum leap into the man you've been waiting to become. The next level of you. What would his life be like that yours isn't like today? How would he live differently than you live? What are the activities that would consume his time that make him feel more accomplished? Who are the people he's interacting with that make him feel worthy about himself and affirm this new level he lives on? How does he feel when he looks in the mirror? How does he dress? What is his morning routine like? Where does he eat his meals? Who is he eating them with? What type of music does he listen to? Who is he collaborating with? Give yourself permission to close your eyes and imagine what it’s like to have his life. Get to know him intimately. Learn what it feels like to be him. Then begin to INVOKE him. SEE him in yourself. ACT AS IF HIM. DRESS AS IF HIM. DO AS HE WOULD DO.

The next step is to look for the signs of his life materializing wherever you go. Collect examples in the people and places around you that match the life of your quantum self in the present moment. Find evidence of the new level. When the old level reappears, tell yourself it's just a reflection of the familiar past, and how you engage with it has everything to do with keeping it around or not. Let your identification with it go, and trust you are already who you need to be to have what you want occur.

In terms of my game plan, it's to support you in ACTING AS IF. From the place of feeling more in alignment with who you are becoming as opposed to who you have been, I will help you prioritize action steps that support the life you are calling in. But the process of ACTING AS IF takes a little time first. That's where the emotional work comes in. First you must learn to be a healthy inner parent to your family of parts; a loving father to the frustrated son. The kind of father who teaches his boy that emotions do not need to be banished, just safely contained and carefully contextualized. I'm here to witness, assist and reaffirm that quantum self in you.